#white men can't jump spoilers

[harlowgifs]

[softpascalito]

Dulcissima I Marcus Acacius x Vestal!Reader I Chapter I

! This Fic contains major spoilers for Gladiator II ! Proceed with caution !

Spoiler-Free Summary: Set before and during Gladiator II. General Acacius finds himself entranced by a highly valued priestess of Rome – A Vestal Virgin. Both have taken vows that make sure their paths may never cross. Until they do.

Pairing: Marcus Acacius x F!Vestal!Reader Rating: Explicit / MDNI Word count: 12k+ Tags: Secret Relationship, Vestal Virgins, Religious Guilt, Gladiator fights, Gladiator II compliant (more or less), Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Ancient Rome, Age Difference, Slow Burn(ish), Injry, Kissing, Historical Inaccuracy, (Attempted) Sexual Harassment, More tags to be added

AO3 I Series Masterlist I Masterlist

notes: ! last major spoiler warning for gladiator II below the cut !

guys, where do we even start. i can't live with his end so i am rewriting it. enjoy <3

vestal (vigins) - priestesses of vesta, virgin goddess of Rome's sacred flame (details will be explained later in the story) dulcissima - sweetest (fond nickname) domus - a roman house posticum - a servant's entrance cubiculas - roman bedrooms

You didn't think it would lead to this.

A beloved General, a just man, kneeling in front of his opponent in the sand that covers the arena floor, the cloud of its dust settling onto the two men facing each other. The particles glisten in the scorching heat of the relentless sun above you, just as violent as the battle you have just witnessed.

It is not something you have ever truly enjoyed, hearing the last gasp of a dying man, seeing the moment a blade enters his stomach. Watching the winner shout with glee. Watching the dead body be dragged away.

But sitting in the specifically reserved area near the Emperors is good custom. Custom keeps one alive.

Custom is also hard to uphold when the man your heart is set on is fighting to keep his life mere feet below you.

You see Acacius’s lips move, see the pleading look in his eyes.

And then a soft thud echoes through the Colosseum as Lucius drops his sword and falls to his knees across from the General.

You wipe your hands furiously on your white gown, trying to keep your hands from sweating as your heart pumps wildly in your chest. You wonder what would happen to it if the sword would've found Acacius’s torso instead. Or his neck. Maybe it would've just given out, unwilling to beat any longer if his was not doing the same.

“No! Kill him! Soldiers!” The Emperor's cries reach you even through the uproar of the crowd, which is unwilling to accept any match that doesn't end with death. Rome always wants death.

“Archers!” He yells and you hold your breath as they draw their bows in unison, tips pointed right into the middle of the arena where the two men are still kneeling.

“Move,” you whisper under your breath, almost as if you believe Acacius can hear you. But he doesn't. He stays on his knees, upright, seemingly waiting for the arrows to hit. An archer to your left releases his arrow with a slight tremor in his arm–and misses by inches. It hits the sand behind Lucius instead, a small cloud of dust rising around it. But your eyes are drawn to the gentle movement of the General as he raises his arm.

“Hold.”

He doesn't have to scream the command. But his deep voice still travels throughout the Colosseum with urgency. The voice of a man who knows how to instruct his soldiers, how to make himself heard even on the battlefield, in the face of death. Even if it's his own that is imminent.

His reminder rings out in your head.

“How many of them will be loyal to you?” – “All of them.”

The archers hold their fire, no arrows following the first one. You turn your head to catch a glimpse of the twin Emperors, both practically jumping up and down with fury as they yell at the archers, at the guards, at anyone who will listen. “We'll have his head! We'll have the General's head for this! How dare he defy us–”

The bows are lowered as soldiers march into the arena, roughly placing cuffs around both men's hands. Acacius doesn't try to intervene with their orders this time, slowly rising to his feet and letting them lead him back towards the gate, though you don't miss the small stagger in his step. It makes a wave of worry wash over you.

“We’ll have your head, General! You will not live to see another battle! You will not even live to see another sunrise!”

Your blood runs cold at that and you stand up abruptly, your head bowed as your feet carry you back into the outer corridor of the Colosseum, a light breeze greeting you as the angry yells and curses from inside the arena grow more quiet.

You have given everything for Rome. Your vows, your service. You will not give him.

***

The moon is hiding away behind a large cloud when you slip out of the house and onto Via Nova, the sounds of cicadas and the occasional bark of a dog filling the night. Having fulfilled your duties for the evening and claimed that the scene at the Colosseum gave you a dull headache, you retired early. When the sounds of the other women in the house died down, you took your chance.

It isn't far to the domus Acacius and Lucilla reside in, your own quarters located just below Palatine Hill. On a clear day, you can see the stone walls of his house from the garden you use to grow herbs.

After about fifty feet, you turn, following down a more narrow path that allows you to travel in the shadows. A few minutes later, it leads you to the posticum of the noble home, an entrance off to the side, used mainly by the servants–or visitors unwilling to be seen. Acacius has taken to keeping it unlocked whenever he knows you are coming. You pray that it still is.

A light push against the wooden door is all it needs to swing open with a small creak, making you hold your breath as you place one careful foot in front of the other. The last thing you need is to alert any guards to your nightly visit.

But you’ve learned how to walk in the shadows and which streets to avoid. You know that the second step from the bottom creaks if you put too much weight on it. It feels like the stone walls of his house are silent witnesses to the amount of time you have spent tip-toeing to his quarters after everyone else has retired for the night.

You distantly wonder if they have allowed him the comfort of his own bed as you enter the atrium, already turning right towards the cubiculas–and pause when your gaze flickers around the open space.

Acacius is hunched over on a chair, a thick metal cuff sneaking around his ankle, the chain fastened securely around one of the columns that line each side of the open room. Your breath catches in your throat as you notice that he is wearing nothing but his red tunic, the gold details on the edges already worn and fading. He shivers in the cold night air, his arms wrapped protectively around himself. He looks so different from how he did in the arena just mere hours earlier. Smaller, somehow.

When you step forward, his head turns, eyes widening as you step into the dim light and recognition flickers over his face. “Dulcissima.”

You try to give him a smile but you're sure it fails miserably. Instead, you lessen the distance between you, passing the fountain in the center. “Acacius–”

“By the gods, what are you doing here?” He whispers, his soft brown eyes looking up at you. He sounds scared, his voice quiet but rough. Up close, you find that not only have they left him chained up in his own atrium but they have also not tended to his wounds. Caked blood and dirt decorate his skin, a part of his hair matted down with something that you hope is the latter.

You ignore his question. “They sentenced you to death.” No matter how hard you try, you can't keep your voice from shaking.

“They sentenced me to death the moment they learned about the plot,” Acacius mumbles quietly. “You know this. It was always going to end this way.”

“Where is Lucilla?” You ask quietly, casting a quick glance around yourself, almost expecting her to step forward from behind one of the columns. Even if you know you have nothing to fear from her. In fact, she may be the only person who understands what you are currently feeling.

“She is with two of the men. On their way to Lucius,” he admits, turning his body a bit more into your direction, which immediately forces a small grunt out of him. You suck in a sharp breath, though you're not sure whether it's in response to his injury or to what you just learned.

“He may already be dead.”

Acacius glances up at you with a look you can't quite place. Then he nods. “He may be.” He shakes his head ever so slightly. “But he has friends in the Colosseum. You forget whose son he is.” The General pauses again, his eyes searching your face as his whisper becomes more urgent. “Why are you here?”

A small sigh escapes you as you take two more steps towards Acacius. “Because you forgot who I am.”

It takes a few moments before recognition flickers in his eyes–and he understands. That as a Vestal, you may pardon with a touch of your hand. Even slaves. Even those sentenced to death.

He has seen you do it, once or twice. When prisoners called out to you as you passed by them with the jug of holy water. Begged you to place your palm on their head, to allow them to live. And they did. But this? This is different.

“No.”

“Marcus,” you say softly. “It’s the power they have given me, the role they have cursed me with. I may as well use it for good.”

“Dulcissima, they will know,” he protests, wincing slightly as he shifts his weight onto his legs and stands up. “They will know about us. They do not even need proof to put you on trial.”

“I do not care if they put me on trial,” you blurt out, taking a step forward just as he takes two back.

“Do not lay your hand on me,” he warns, raising his hand not unlike the way he did in the Colosseum earlier.

“Marcus. Please.” You’re begging more than asking. You don't think you could take it. A Rome without him.

His back hits the marble column and he curses under his breath just as you reach him. The chains meant to keep him from escaping turn into chains that make sure you can save him. Even if he does not want saving.

The tremor that has been a constant in your hands since seeing Acacius fall to his knees in the arena has disappeared, your fingers stretching slightly as you stand on tiptoes to reach for his head.

Soft, dark curls greet the tips of your fingers and you sigh in relief, mumbling a prayer as your hand comes to rest on his head like a crown. A shuddering breath leaves him, his eyes cast downward. Tension bleeds from his body, his shoulders sagging. A softness his soldiers never get to see.

It is a reminder of the nights you’ve spent together, always hidden and always too short. With whispered promises and silent prayers to Vesta to forgive you for loving him. You do not know how not to. And you don't ever want to find out.

But the way you bend upward, lips meeting his forehead–it simply comes more naturally than it should.

notes: thank you for reading! feel free to follow me on here or twitter/ao3 for updates on the next chapters! also, i would love to hear yalls thoughts so feel very free to leave a comment <3

! when commenting or reblogging, please make sure to hide spoilers from others !

[ninii-winchester]

Unveiled Sorrows (Part 6)

Pairings : Dean Winchester X Reader, Sam Winchester X Reader (platonic), Dean Winchester X Lisa Braden (mentioned)

Word count: 4.4k

Warnings : angst, so much angst grab your tissues pls, spoilers s1-s6, violence, language, mentions of Djinn. Sam has his soul.

A/n : This series follows canon plot line but some scenes might happen differently or be completely changed. Check the warnings for each part before continuing.

I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO COPY MY WORK, TRANSLATE IT OR POST IT TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM. REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED.

Sam had been acting strange for the past two days and it wasn't sitting right with Y/n or Bobby. He was anxious, paranoid and jumpy. He acted like someone was out to get to him. And then suddenly Y/n started acting strange too. It was as if the two of them had been going crazy, which scared Bobby and Samuel. Truth is, someone was actually after the two.

"Bobby I swear there was a werewolf in the yard." Y/n panicked holding Adeline to her chest.

"Have you gone mad? Werewolves appear on full moon and at night. It's the middle of the day." Bobby replied throwing his hands in the air.

"Sammy cmon you have to believe me." She turned to her best friend. Sam stood still with his arms crossed against his chest. A knock on the door was heard and Y/n jumped in her place clutching Adeline even more firmly. Sam went to see and came back with Samuel, Christian trailing behind him.

"Anything?" Bobby asked Samuel.

"You two ever run into a Djinn?" Christian asked Sam and Y/n. Sam raised his brow at the question.

"Yeah, a few years back. He took Dean, we had to kill it." Y/n replied flatly.

"It's Djinns that are after you two. Didn't know why they were but now it makes sense. They're here for revenge." Samuel told them.

"Wait what?" Y/n asked. "Why haven't they attacked out front."

"It's easier. The things you two are seeing aren't real. It's them messing around with your heads. And soon enough you two will go insane and kill yourself." Samuel explained.

"What?" The two exclaimed.

"Well luckily for you, we have found an antidote." Christian said showing them a syringe filled with white liquid. "But we have to kill them before they come for you again."

"I'll have it first. Can't be too sure until we've tried." Sam says looking at his grandfather.

"Sammy no." Y/n stopped him.

"Y/n, respectfully. Shut up." Sam replied and then nodded towards Christian who injected him with the liquid.

"Do you feel anything Sam?" Bobby asked.

Suddenly, y/n screamed. Bobby immediately took Adeline from her arms as she backed up against the wall. her breathing laboured as she saw Azaezel in front of her. Her eyes widened, she knew it wasn't real and it was the Djinns doing but she couldn't help but choke as 'Azaezel' grabbed her by her neck. She felt herself being thrown towards a heap of books. The men watched as she was slammed against the window, the glass shattered with loud noise, she groaned at the impact.

"We can't wait Sam, she'll kill herself." Samuel said getting worried.

Sam nodded and Christian went to tranquillise her but she resisted, Sam grabbed her tightly and Christian stabbed y/n with the needle, injecting the liquid and right then she stopped moving completely. A few seconds later she opened her eyes and Sam sighed in relief. The two looked at each other when realisation dawned upon them.

"DEAN."

Dean hadn’t slept well since the night he saw her. She was plaguing his mind whether he was awake or asleep. Every time he would close his eyes he'd see her face, hear her voice. Now it's gotten to the point where he sees her when he's awake. It's like he's hallucinating. Then the appearance of the claw marks all over the neighbourhood. He assumed she might be here to hunt whatever is out here but he hasn't heard of a single death in the area. Not even a missing person's report.

He ought to check. He went to the garage of the house he shares with Lisa. He opened the trunk of the Impala and grabbed his gun. He felt a presence behind him and felt someone throwing him against the garage wall. He watched as Azaezel walked closer to him. Blood trickled down Dean's forehead.

"This isn't possible, i killed you. I shot you with the Colt." Dean said.

"Did you Dean? You might have but you didn't succeed. You can't ever do anything right Dean. You let Sam die. You couldn't save him. Your precious Y/n oh i wonder how she's doing." Dean growled as he heard him say her name. Azaezel grabbed Dean and bashed his head against the wall. The next thing he knew, everything thing went black.

When Dean came back to consciousness, he blinked slowly trying to adjust his eyes to the lighting. He gasped when he saw Sam sitting in front of me.

"Sam?" Dean asked sitting up.

"Yeah it's me." Sam said cutting his arm with a silver knife, showing Dean that he's in-fact Sam. Dean stood up and pulled Sam in a tight hug. "I expected a lot more scepticism." Sam joked as he hugged him back.

"How?" Dean questioned looking at Sam, still not believing he's here.

"I don't know." Sam shrugged. "I've researched for weeks i have no clue how i am back."

"Weeks? How long have you been back?"

"Almost a year, now!"

"You've been back for a year and you didn't come to me? What are you doing here now?" Dean snapped.

"Dean I wanted you to be happy and i knew you were happy here so I didn't bother you. You've always wanted all this." Sam replied.

"I only wanted my brother, alive." Dean replied pacing the room. "What have you been doing all this time?"

"Hunting!"

"With other people?"

"They're...more like family." Sam replied. "Look, I didn't want to come here but I had to, the things you were seeing weren't real. It was the Djinns, they came after us and I knew it was a matter of time they came after you." Sam explained.

"Us?" Dean questioned.

"Y/n and I." Sam replied. Dean stayed silent.

"So she's your only family now? You've been hunting with her?" Dean said with an edge to his voice.

"No Dean, y/n doesn't hunt and I'm not talking about her."

"Don't lie to me Sam, I saw her a few days back, heard her talking about a Vampire hunt."

"That was the only hunt she went on over the past year." Sam replied.

"Where've you been living? Bet its with this family of yours?"

"You might want to come with me."

Sam took Dean to the place where Samuel and the Campbell's lived. Gemma, Will, Gwen, Christian and Mark introduced themselves to Dean. He recognised Gemma and Will from the bar.

"Campbells as in..." Dean trailed off looking at Sam, not mentioning the fact that's met Will and Gemma.

"Mom's relatives." Sam confirmed.

"Dean." A voice called out and he turned to see his grandfather who was supposed to be dead. He looked like he had seen a ghost which is ironic considering he hunted them.

"Samuel?" Dean said walking towards him. The older man pulled his grandson in his embrace. Dean's face showed pure confusion.

"Whatever pulled Sam up, pulled me down as well. Who or why, we don't know." Samuel told Dean. And the latter nodded in understanding.

The group of hunters was now discussing their plan of action to defeat the Djinns. Dean clearly stated that he has no intention of coming back to the business, he just wants to keep Lisa and Ben. Speaking of,

"Lisa and Ben!" Dean exclaimed. "Sam you have to take me home, those Djinns know where I live, they could harm them." Sam nodded in understanding and took Dean back to his house.

Dean rushed the house and called out for Lisa. When he got no answer he grew anxious, he ran all over the house trying to find them. The front door opened and Lisa and Ben walked in. Dean immediately pulled them in his embrace sighing in relief.

Sam's jaw clenched as he watched Dean place a kiss on their heads. The way he was caring for Lisa and her kid like his own, oblivious to the fact that he has a biological daughter who deserves the same affection and love from her father.

"We need to get them out of here and somewhere safe." Dean said looking at Sam.

"Yeah we'll get them to-"

"Bobby's." Dean interrupted Sam.

"Dean, I don't think that's a good idea. We'll get them to Samuel's."

"Sam no offence but I don't trust anyone else except you and Bobby. And we're going to Bobby's, that's final." Dean stated leaving no room for argument.

It was a rare occurrence when Y/n was happy, like genuinely happy and today was one of those days. She's been trying for while to get Adeline to sit up on her own without any back support or falling back. And today the little baby sat on her own for a few seconda before plopping back on heap of pillows behind her.

"Bobby did you see that?" Y/  asked excitedly, a huge smile gracing her lips. The old man nodded, his expressions mirroring her own. "I can't wait for Sam to come home and see this. He's going to be ecstatic." She smiled.

Y/n thought had she asked for something else she would've gotten because the moment she said that, she heard the sound of Sam's car's horn thrice. He always did that, it was their secret code of sorts. Y/n picked up Adeline from where she was laying and excitedly made her way towards the front door, she heard the car door slam shut more than once indicating Sam brought company.

"See baby Uncle Sammy is hom-" She opened the door and her words got stuck inside as saw the company Sam brought.

Her gaze moved from Sam to Dean and then stopped on Lisa and Ben. None of them spoke a word. Dean's eyes dropped to the little baby in Y/n's arms and his heart dropped to the deepest pit of his stomach. He felt like couldn't breath. The baby looked like an exact copy of him.

"You promised, Winchester." Y/n's gaze turned to Sam who at least looked apologetic but she felt betrayed. She moved her arm behind her back and retrieved her gun from the back of her jeans.

"Y/n look i can explain.." Sam stuttered and she turn the safety off, of the gun. "Wait you can't shoot, Adeline's ears are sensitive." Sam said holding his hands in the air.

Sam's words broke Dean out of his trance, Adeline's ears. Adeline. Adeline. Adeline. It kept ringing in his ears when it clicked. Thats she name she told him at the bar.

"That's why I have a silencer on my gun." And with she shot Sam in the arm. He groaned as the bullet pierced him. Lisa and Ben flinched and Dean rushed to his brother's side still not believing she actually shot him. "I wish I had it in me to put a bullet in your head." She told Sam before turning her attention to the other two people.

"Hi Lisa. How've you been?" She said.  "Hey Ben, remember me?" She smiled at the boy.

"I'm good." Lisa said even more shaken up at this point.

"You're y/n. You saved me from that monster." Ben said happily.

"I sure did." She wrapped her other arm which was not holding Adeline around Ben's shoulder. "You've grown, kiddo." She told him bringing him inside, Lisa followed behind.

Dean helped Sam inside as all of them settled into the main room. Bobby looked at Dean and froze but then jumped into action as he saw Sam's profusely bleeding arm.

"What happened to him?" He asked Dean and Dean eyed Y/n. His gaze again settled on the child in her arms.

"Uh I had it coming." Sam groaned as Bobby cleaned his wound and patched him up.

An awkward silence fell into the room as nobody knew what to say. And Y/n took it upon herself to break the tension.

"I'm assuming we were right about the Djinn? Him going after Dean." She asked and Sam nodded.

"Yeah i barely reached there in time." He grunted sitting in the desk chair. "We had to bring them to somewhere safe and this is safest place we know." Sam looked at Y/n hoping she'd understand why he brought them here. He added 'we' hoping she'd know it wasn't his decision.

"Alright, since we've got no leads on the Djinns at the moment its safe to say you'll be here for a while." Y/n said to Lisa. "I think we've got enough rooms."

Bobby told the group he'd get Lisa and Ben to help settle in and show them to their room, he felt like the tension in the air would suffocate him to death so he opted out. Y/n cradled the little girl who was on the verge of falling asleep. She made her way to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of beer with some painkillers. Dean couldn't keep his eyes off of her or the baby. He followed her every moment and watched as she handed the pills and beer to Sam.

"I'm glad you know you had it coming." She patted his good arm. He chuckled shaking his head. "I'll arrange some food." Y/n said leaving the room. She laid Adeline in the crib in her room and made her way into the kitchen.

Sam avoided looking at Dean and the older Winchester was shooting glares at his brother. Dean was angry, sad, disappointed and heartbroken. He finds out that his brother has been alive for a whole year and he apparently has a daughter too. He couldn't take it any longer and rushed out the back door to clear his head. Sam followed behind him.

"Dean wait." He called out.

"She's mine, isn't she?" Dean stopped and turned to face Sam who looked away. "Dammit Sam answer me."

"Yeah." Sam replied.

"And you've known all this time?"

"I did but-"

"But what Sammy?" Dean yelled. "What could you possibly say to make it better? My brother who I thought was dead has been here the whole time, and now i find that I have a daughter, who I had no idea existed until this day?" Tears were pooling in Dean's eyes and he didn't care at this point.

"I told you Dean I didn't want to ruin what you have. And as for Addy," Sam sighed. "I didn't even know it happened between you two. Y/n said it happened once and it was mistake."

"She said what?" Dean recoiled. "It wasn't a mistake and it certainly didn't happen only once." He growled, now his grief turning into anger.

"What?" Sam exclaimed.

"Why didn't you tell me Sam? I could've had what I so desperately wanted." Dean cried, hurt that his brother kept such a huge secret from him.

"She made me promise not to tell you." Sam confessed.

"Why?"

"I don't know, when I came back she asked her if I met you and I told her I did see you but you were with Lisa and I didn't want to ruin that. When she told me she was pregnant and it's yours I told her to tell you but she told me that you deserve to have a normal life with the woman you love and not some...." Sam paused not whether to continue or not.

"Some what Sam?"

"Some good lay and..a child made out of it." Sam whispered lowly, he wasn't even sure if Dean heard him. This broke Dean's heart and he wasn't sure if he could ever piece it back together.

"That woman is a not some good lay, she's the love of my life, Sam. I was pathetically in love with her. I still am." Dean said with his head in his hands.

"You told her the world doesn't revolves around her."

"I know what I said, damn it. I just wanted her to be safe. I knew she wouldn't have left had I not told her all that. I thought if our plan was to fail, at-least she'd be away from all this. She'd be safe. And if it went well, I would go back to her, tell her everything and keep her safe with me until my last breath. But you made me promise. I kept my promise and I left and I never looked back." Dean breathed heavily.

"Dean... I had no idea. I am so sorry. I wish I hadn't... God this is all my fault, I have to make this right." Sam blamed himself and that's the last thing Dean wanted.

"It's not your fault Sam. You just wanted to die in peace." Dean made a failed attempt to ease the tension.

Y/n was in the kitchen when she heard someone clear their throat. She turned to see Lisa standing in the doorway.

"I hope Ben like sandwiches, I don't know much cooking." She said as she placed the ingredients on the counter.

"He likes them.." Lisa said joining to help her with the preparations.

"I can see why he loves you." Y/n said as she watched Lisa work effortlessly and still look amazing.

"Yeah but he's in love with you." She replied without looking at her.

"Rubbish." Y/n waved her off with her hand. "I think you're still tired from the long drive."

"It's the truth. I've lived with Dean for a year now, you're his waking thought and his dream." Lisa said softly. "I think i know more about you than you know yourself." The woman added with a smile.

"Don't you love him?" Y/n bit her lip. Her asking this question was showing a sign that she still cared about Dean as much as she shouldn't.

"He's a dear friend." Lisa replied vaguely. Loud footsteps were heard as Ben entered the kitchen looking for his mom.

Sam and Dean came back inside and Dean locked eyes with y/n for the first time since he came here. He wants to hate her for keeping his daughter a secret from him but one look at her and he's a puddle, willing to do anything she wants him to do.

"We need to talk." Dean said to y/n.

"I believe there is nothing to talk." Y/n replied without wavering.

"Its your choice, you talk to me while I'm asking nicely or I drag you out, because we're talking either way." Dean said keeping eye contact.

"You watch how you speak to me, Winchester. My gun still has five bullets." She replied. She knew she had to have this conversation at any point in her life, she was hoping she had more time. She let out a loud sigh before speaking, "Ben, honey can you go up and watch Adeline for me?" She asked the eleven year old boy. And he nodded happily running upstairs.

"Now you talk." Y/n ordered Dean, who turned around and walked to the main room. She rolled her eyes and followed him. "I don't have time for your bullshit so if you could get on with it before Adeline wakes up, I'd appreciate it." She snapped as he kept his back to her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He turned to her, his face red.

"Tell you what?"

"About our daughter! Don't act dumb."

"She's my daughter." Y/n sneered. Sam and Lisa watched from the side. "Why do you even care? You didn't care a year ago."

"I.. how can you even say that. She's my daughter too. You had no right to keep her from me."

"Yeah right." Y/n scoffed. "What did you want to me do, Dean? After you pushed me away time and time again. Did you expect me to get on my knees and beg you to stay?" She said raising her voice. "You left. You left when I needed you the most." She felt a lump forming in her throat and she knew the waterworks were on the way. "You left me at the cemetery without a word. How do you think it made me feel?"

"I'm sorry i left, had you told me about Adeline I would've never..-"

"I don't need your pity, Dean. Nor does my daughter." She yelled. "You had a choice. And you left." She felt a tear drop down her cheek as much as she hated to cry in-front of him she couldn't hold it in.

At that moment Dean hated himself. He never knew he could be this weak. He watched Y/n look so broken, exhausted. It was as if sadness has etched itself on her face permanently.

"Cas told me I was pregnant when we got back from Carthage." Dean's eyes widened as the revelation. "That's why I asked to sit out when you guys decided to hit the road. I thought I'd tell you when you'd come back. But when you did you said awful things to me, Dean. It broke my heart." She gasped taking in a deep breath as cried. "I knew it was a hard time for us with everything happening. When I arrived at Detroit I thought maybe, just maybe things could be different but..." She didn't continue, everyone knows what happened in Detroit.

"I'm sorry, you have to believe me when I say I would've stayed.." Dean's eyes watered.

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Dean. I was scared, every night I was scared for my daughter's life because I didn't have the luxury to sleep peacefully and pretend that's nothing out there. Even the rustling of leaves would wake me up at night." She cried.

"I wish i could turn back time, i would do it a heartbeat. You know that." He cried. He knows he doesn't have the right to feel bad about himself but he couldn't help it.

"I'd do it too. If i could turn back time I'd do it and never associate myself with you."

"You don't mean that." Dean whispered, his voice almost begging her to take it back.

"I do." She looked him in the eye, even though her vision was blurred. "Even for a second if we forget that Addy exists, you left me when I needed you the most. My best friend jumped into the pit and I felt like my heart had been ripped out from my chest." She was now full on sobbing. "I needed you. I knew nobody could've understood what I felt except you. I dug the ground with my hands until my fingers bled hoping the cage was still there and Sam would come out." She cried holding her hand to her heart as if it pained her physically. "I just wanted you to hold me tell me it'd be alright. We'll figure something out like we always do."

If anyone of them wasn't crying before they were now. They hadn't realised she'd been through so much pain. She's suffered and she was carrying a child. She held on for so long. Lisa's heart ached for the sobbing woman in front of her.

"Y/n." Sam spoke having enough. He needs to clear this out. He can't watch them fight knowing it wasn't any of their fault but his'. "It's my fault."

"Sammy." Dean warned sternly.

"No Dean. It was my fault. Let me do this." Sam replied.

"What do you mean?" Y/n asked looking at Sam.

"After you left I asked Dean to promise that he won't find you. I told him to go live with Lisa." Sam stated.

"Why would you even say that?" She whispered.

"Because i knew if you two had been with each other you'd just find a way to bring me back. Even worse make deals with demons or shit." Sam said holding his head down. "It wasn't his fault y/n, if I'd known he loved you i would've never asked him to leave."

"Dean doesn't love anyone but you." Y/n scoffed and that irked Dean. He could listen to her say the worst things about him but doubting his love for her wasn't something he'd take queitly. He took a few steps towards her and grabbed her arm making her look at him.

"Why're you talking about me as if I'm not here? And how dare you say that?" He growled. "How dare you say I don't love you. You're the only woman I've ever been in love with." He said pulling her closer.

"Some way you've got to show it." She scoffed pulling her arm away. "Alright I agree Sam was in the wrong but you don't get to put the blame on him completely. You took the easy way out."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" Dean asked, his face contorted in anger.

"Oh please, don't be so naive now." She gritted her teeth. "You're acting like you didn't have a choice."

"I didn't..- " Dean started but she interrupted him.

"You were Michael's vessel Dean, you were destined to be a part of that war. You fought tooth and nail, you told the literal angels to shove it up their ass, that you'd never say yes. YOU FOUGHT DESTINY AND YOU'RE SAYING YOU DIDN’T HAVE A CHOICE?" She yelled having enough of his excuses.

Dean knew she was right. There was nothing she said that wasn't true. But he had been scared. Whoever he gets close to gets hurt. He never wanted any of this to happen. If only he had manned up and told everyone how he felt, alot this could've been avoided.

Y/n felt betrayed. Not only by Dean but Sam as well. All her life the only people she considered her family, betrayed her in every way possible. She wondered has she been naive or they were just too good at using people? If Dean loved her as much as he said he did, then why didn't he stay. Heavy footsteps and loud cries filled y/n's ears.

"Y/n, she woke up and started crying." Ben said carrying little Adeline to her mother.

"Thank you for looking after her, sweetheart." She said wiping her tears and taking her baby into her arms. Adeline stopped crying once she was in her mother's arms.

"Are you okay?" Ben asked, oblivious to the tension in the room, standing beside his mother.

"I'm okay." She replied. "Just realised I spent my whole life loving and caring for the Winchesters only to be betrayed by them." She whispered lowly that only the adults could comprehend. She held Adeline up and looked at her face. "I'll have to wait for yours too, it's only a matter of time you do. After all you're a Winchester too." She smiled sadly, breaking Sam and Dean's heart along with her own.

Tags:

@spnfamily-j2 @galway-girlatwork @deangirl96 @queensilber

@s0urw00lf @monkey-d-hoshizora98 @deans-baby-momma @fullbelieverheart @hobby27

[ranthebow]

Thoughts on Lucy, Undying by Kiersten White

It's been some time since I consumed Dracula media like so, a "retelling" of the original story, and it was very refreshing to see this from Lucy's perspective, a character often ignored or simply reduced to her death. Bram Stoker used Lucy as symbolism for the women he found shameful in his day and age, and that symbolism is all she needed to be in the original. So while I will say a few words on the story as a whole, I would like to focus this review on the characters. But lets start big.

~~ As always, spoilers ahead~~

This is a woman-driven, sapphic story that contains elements from other vampire media, very notably Anne Rice's "Interview With The Vampire", as the book jumps from different POV and times - Lucy's diary when she was human and the events of "Dracula" were taking place, Lucy as a vampire in modern day, being "interviewed" by her therapist about her life as a vampire, and Iris, an original character and the love interest of Lucy in modern times. Vampires are written as creatures of want, which includes the lust and sexuality of the original "Dracula" but is expanded into "a gaping maw" of loneliness and need for being understood. Crosses, communion wafers, holy water, all the items we expect to affect vampires don't work in this world if the person using them doesn't believe in them. Vampires can't occupy that space of love and devotion and belief. They are the exact opposite of all those feelings.

I've always seen vampire's need for blood less about the blood itself and more about the need for the humanity and vitality blood represents that they, as dead, reanimated corpses, can never truly feel again. And this writing plays directly into that so wonderfully, with blood playing a large role in the story, but not actually being the motivating factor for the vampires. Yes, they are always consuming it and often killing for it, but they really crave love, in their own ways. I also loved the lore around vampires changing form, the sun, and sleeping in unhallowed earth or their own burial site. The sun doesn't kill vampires, it just traps them in the form they are currently in, and if that form is fairly incorporeal, they have a hard time reassembling when it's nighttime. The therapist, Vanessa, tries to ask Lucy how vampires work and Lucy responds,

"...why do you dream? Why do you look at the ocean and feel awe? Where does love come from, and why does it feel so much like fear? There might be reasons for all those things, but do you need to know the reasons? Will that help you feel any of those things?" (pg 39)

And I think that's exactly how it should be with supernatural tales. A sprinkling of science, that vampirism is an infection that can get passed down to children if you are infected but not yet a vampire, but mostly just a suspension of belief, an understanding that you will never understand. Because understanding vampires is not the point of vampires in a story.

Vampire Lucy's conversations with her therapist were also my favorite because we got to see her throughout history in various locations, meeting other vampires that no longer know their names and instead are known as The Queen, The Doctor, and The Lover, another trope I completely love. But this is where the story, and the characters, start to fall short.

Lucy's first journey out of England is to China, a land as foreign to her as her vampirism. It's exciting and colorful, and shows us her separation from humans as the girls The Queen collects stay far away from her. This propels her into WW1, where she meets The Doctor and sees how pointless and sad the conflicts of men are. She tries to do something good, to end the war, and feels like she has, for a time, sending her to Paris where she meets The Lover and has a jolly good time coming to understand how broken being a vampire can really be. In WW2, she wants to bring good to the world in a different way, so she becomes a spy and meets The Doctor again. While I love to see a repeating character, I was excited to meet a new vampire, to learn something more about this world, and instead, the writing slows down. Lucy slows down. Gone are the magical places, lessons to be learned, and interesting characters exploring all facets of vampirism. Lucy sleeps for some time, the writing handwaves some years away where she hunts some vampires, and then she meets The Lover and The Queen living together, finds the therapist, and then finds Iris, in a matter of a month or so. Here starts the beginning of my critiques with this book.

We spend a lot of time learning about the history of Lucy - who she was when she died, and how lost she has been in death. She is able to get out of tricky situations and maybe even make something of herself in those moments, as we learn that she has inspired all three vampires we have met throughout her history to do something different and good for themselves. Her therapist, at the end of their time together, tells her for the first time that she isn't looking for Dracula, but instead she has been looking for herself, and that she needs to learn to love herself. She meets Iris almost immediately afterwards. The book tells us that she has learned to love through Iris, that she has found herself now, that Lucy has essentially broken the thrall Dracula has over her - but it doesn't feel that way. If we objectively look at what Lucy does and says from when she meets Iris, there doesn't seem to be that level of character growth. Could she have fallen in love in that time, and love was something she has always craved? Absolutely, yes. Does that mean it has fixed every other feeling she has ever had? I don't buy it. The story rushes to the climax once everything is revealed, only for one more "gotcha" moment to occur, and Lucy is so healed at this point that even the surprise villain does not really deter her. I did not feel tension in that scene because I have been told, over and over again, that Lucy loves herself now and she loves Iris and everything she has wanted is good and happy now. So what if Mina, her first love, shows up as the final, real antagonist at the end? I don't feel Lucy having a real internal struggle at that point. So, I don't buy it.

And this is where I really have a problem with this retelling. I do not read og Dracula because I love a specific character or the heroes are true heroes to me or anything like that. I like Dracula as a whole package, with every part as it is. Lucy being a symbol, as I stated above. So is Mina and Dracula, in that regard. But, I also don't actively dislike the characters, or feel like they did anything intentionally evil (on the human side of things). It's like when I was in high school and my teacher asked us to write an essay on who was at fault for the conclusion of Romeo and Juliet. While many students wrote about the Friar not delivering a note fast enough, or the families for feuding, I wrote about fate. These types of stories are written to be like this, if only a character was slightly faster or the conflict was not such a conflict, but, in the end, everything falls into its proper place in tell a story that is a complete package. I appreciate Dracula for how it is, even if I feel a character could have acted faster to save Lucy or cared a different way. So when this retelling vilifies every single character from the original, except for Lucy, who is constantly referred to as a child and an angel and essentially one who can do no wrong, this frustrates me. It feels ugly. At first I thought -and this is a bit harsh, I completely understand that - that this book was falling into a trap of sapphic content that hates all men. Because every man from the original Dracula ended up either so boring and pathetic that they were written off, or actively a murderer, a conspirator, or a pervert. It wasn't just that they were treating Lucy as less than, they were actively worse monsters to her than Dracula. This book suffers a little from it's feminism 101 type writing, for a lack of better language about such things, and I thought this hate of the original characters might be falling into that mindset. Then Mina is revealed to be the worst of them all, so while that lessens my feelings from above, it still confuses me that this was the choice made for this retelling. As a Dracula fan. I don't want these characters to just be horrendously evil. It doesn't feel like it matches the core of the characters that I know and am looking forward to seeing again.

And then there is Mina. Hilariously, this book suffers from the same issue I had with BBC Dracula, that I wrote a review about in 2023. In the final arc of the story, the true villain is revealed to be Mina in a way that is meant to shock the reader…and that's all. There is no other reason for it.

Lucy's entire undead life has revolved around Dracula (also hilarious, considering the treatment of the characters mentioned above). We have very fun 2nd person POV chapters from Dracula that increase in frequency when he is stalking Iris. Everything points to the conclusion of this book being a killing of Dracula and a tragedy of the romance, because killing Dracula kills all vampires he has created, which includes Lucy. I was preparing for the angst. I was ready for the angst. But no, Dracula is broken in a page, not yet killed so Lucy has time to save Iris, where it is revealed that it was Mina all along. Lucy has a moment of surprise that, to no one's surprise, she breaks out of because she is now healed of her past trauma due to Iris, they kill Mina, and happily go off into the sunset as now vampire girlfriends.

Now don't get me wrong, I love vampire girlfriends skipping into the sunset together. I'm happy for them! But I am seriously unhappy as a reader. All that build up for potential grief, for the satisfaction of a victory over Dracula after meeting vampires throughout the book that have been victimized by him…all of this waved away with the sentence,

"Mina is Dracula. She always was." (pg 435)

as the explanation and attempt to give the reader some understanding of this sudden shift. It's not enough.

I've been rallied to see Dracula destroyed this entire book, have mostly known Mina from how Lucy has loved her (even learning that Mina was in on the deception of Lucy as a human had little impact on me because she is not a character we know. We only see her through the eyes of someone else. Why did she become this way? Why do we care that she is the villain, and therefore should be killed?), and I am not satisfied by the final word on Dracula being that he is now scared of Lucy in a way that Lucy was once scared of him as a human. He is still the monster he always was. He is not broken. There will be more girls like Lucy created because they didn't kill him.

Lucy has tried to save people this entire book. I'm all for being a little selfish to take care of yourself and that kind of therapy, but this does not feel equitable in this world. Has Lucy been so healed from all that trauma that she no longer understands and cares if it's inflicted on others? It's frustrating and disappointing as an ending.

Overall, I have mixed feelings on this book. I do actually like the jumps in times and different perspectives, something I have read others saying they didn't like in this book. I loved how vampires were written. The prose itself is very good and the sapphic content was wonderful. But the characters and the story falls flat to me, and I struggle with calling this a Dracula retelling when it so cruelly removes anything about the characters that I know and appreciate beyond the basics of the story itself.

As is usually the case, if you like vampires and Dracula, I do recommend trying this out for yourself. These are purely my thoughts and feelings on the subject. I still had fun reading it, and I loved exploring Lucy as a character. This has given me fun ideas for my own vampire related writing, and maybe it will for you too!

Alright, I think that's all I have to say on the subject here. Tune in in another 2 years time when I pick up another Dracula retelling that makes me write essays about in on Tumblr, for some reason. I just have a lot of thoughts sometimes. Until then!

[sailorsenshishitposter]

Aoi Todo x Reader

Minor spoilers for chapter 260

Aoi Todo:

You are a gym bro, your favorite song is baby got back and you have several cease and desist letters from various celebrities that you stalk.

First Date:

You were listening to your Takada playlist whilst you did your workout but you heard a noise so loud that it began to overpower your ear buds. You took them out only to realise that another fight broke out. You weren't surprised, after all, testosterone fueled men frequently argued over just about anything. You looked over to see what the fuss was all about. Oh. It's one of the regulars and a particularly annoying one at that. It looks like he was fighting with a new guy. "Why does he look like a gorrila?"

You began to listen to their argument while working out thanks to the wonders of multitasking. "DO YOU EVEN LIFT BRO!?" Not again, you thought. What happened next caught you off guard.

"What's your type?"

"My what!?"

"Type of woman! Now answer my question or I'll beat you to death where you stand!"

You guessed that he wasn't pleased with the answer because the next thing you knew, the other man was punched so hard in the face that he hit the wall and left an indent.

"A person's fetishes reflect everything about them. People with boring taste in women are boring people themselves. And I hate boring men!" He began to walk away and then stopped. "By the way, my type is a tall woman with a big ass!" Shit. You did your best to try and shrink down but it was too late. "My, what is such a cute woman as yourself doing in a place like this?"

You rolled your eyes. "I'm working out, idiot!" You expected him to go away but he seemed amused. "Men are perfect when they're a little dumb." Ugh. "And who exactly said this?" He began to grin and was about to respond when your phone cut him off. Fuck, it was your ringtone. Why now of all times? You looked at the gorrila man and saw that his face was flushed. "Is that Takada chan's new song, jumping?"

The next thing you knew, he was crying and and on his knees. "Please marry me!" You didn't figure this guy to be so into idols. "I don't even know you, pervert!"

"My name is Aoi Todo. Would you lend me your hand in marriage?" Gross. "Ew, no!"

"Will you at least come with me to see Takada's next appearance?" You groaned. "If I do, will you leave me the hell alone after this!?"

Todo then gave you a thumbs up. "I shall stop pursuing you if that is what my BEST FRIEND wishes." What the fuck had you gotten yourself into?

It was a week later and you both met outside the concert venue. "What the hell happened to you?" Todo looked down to his bandaged arm. "Oh, this? Don't worry bro. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to woo Takada chan but then I remembered that even the great Helen Keller completed her mission with a missing limb!"

"... That's not Helen Keller Todo..."

"Wait, it's not? Then who ran across the country with just one leg!?"

"... Terry Fox."

"I don't have time to talk about foxes, we're going to miss Takada!" Todo then pulled your arm and dashed to the crowd. "Shit. The stadiums full. Looks like we'll be watching at the back!" Todo went to adjust his bandages. "I think I have a solution." Next thing you knew and you were transported to the front row. "What did you just do?"

"Don't worry about it." That didn't satisfy you so you grabbed his arm and nearly screamed. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" Instead of a hand, there was now a giant wooden instrument. "Ah, that would be my vibraslap." You pulled him down by his uniform collar. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?""Don't worry #####, we as true Takada fans are the exception.""You can't just cheat and skip ahead of everyone! What if we get caught!?"

"The Jetavana Temple Bells ring the passing of all things. Twinned sal trees, white in full flower, declare the great man's ceratin fall. The arrogant do not lotng endure: they are like a dream one night in spring. The bold and brave perish in the end: they are dust before the wind".

You were about to ask him what the fuck he meant but then the lights dimmed. "Hello, everyone! Thank you so much for coming! Taka-Tam beam!" The crowd began to cheer and you could have sworn that Todo had invited you to a boy band performing for teenage girls. As Takada began performing, you heard a "BOOGIE WOOGIE" emit from the crowd.

You didn't know how he did it but Todo was now dancing on stage. The music stopped and Takada was calling for security but he didn't care. He decided to sing in an attempt to court her. "I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE, YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY-" He was then cut off and dragged away by Takada's personal swat team. It turns out that Todo isn't legally allowed to be within 500 feet of her.

Todo was being cuffed and placed in the back seat of an officer's vehicle. "TAKADA CHAN, I'LL WAIT FOR YOU!"

[arctrooper69]

Falling is Just Uncontrolled Flying

Contains Spoilers from the Season 2 finale under the cut

Warnings: S2 Finale spoilers, angst

--------------------------------------------------

You'd always loved flying. It was the one thing that could be whatever you wanted it to be and then immediately become something else. One could be perfectly at peace, sailing through hyperspace and then suddenly be thrown into the heat of battle the very second you jumped out. It was chaos. But what was flying other than controlled falling?

***

Hardly registering Omega's cries and the raw screams ripping from your own throat, you threw yourself off of the falling rail car after Tech. The wind roared in your ears, heart pounding as you leapt through the debris, using the Force to launch yourself from piece to jagged piece, letting the momentum propell you forward. The harsh wind felt like sandpaper as it cut across your face.

You screamed as a large chunk of durasteel raked against your side, threatening to knock you off course.

"Tech!" You called out on instinct, though you were certain he couldn't hear you from the velocity at which he was falling.

Gritting your teeth, you launched yourself from the hunk of metal, flying through the air. You could feel Tech several meters below you - his fear, his heartbreak.

His acceptance.

"This is the will of the Force" You could hear Master Windu calmly reassure you. The first time you'd heard him say it, you were a scared and lonely youngling who'd just lost her best friend. "This is the will of the Force."

Anger coursed through your veins.

If that was the case, then the Force had taken the Jedi away. The Force had taken your clone battalion from you - stolen the men you considered to be family. The Force had ripped away so much of what you loved, and what you held close. You'd be damned if you let it take away the man you'd fallen in love with.

You let that anger take hold and with a feral scream, you reached out, willing the every particle of your being into slowing his decent.

Now Tech was flying. You were falling.

His eyes widened in shock as you grabbed a hold of his arm. You could feel his confusion, then the sudden horror that flickered through his expression when he met your eyes.

No! I hadn't meant for you to die with me.

You looked back at him in grim determination.

No one's dying today. Not on my watch.

He slowly shook his head, eyes hardening with a sharp finality. Yet you could feel his heart shatter. His arms wrapped around you in a final acceptance.

"Tech, I -" you mouthed.

A sudden scream ripped from your throat as something hard and heavy tore him from your grasp.

No! Not again! Please not again. I can't lose you.

You hit the ground hard. Pain exploded from your shoulder as it was wrenched beneath your body as you tumbled across the hard, rocky surface.

***

You opened your eyes to the sound of a com going off. It didn't sound like a Republic issued com. That could only mean Imperial.

Your breaths came fast and panicked.

Nonononono. Breathe. Can't help Tech if you can't breathe.

You screwed your eyes shut. Waves of nauseating pain spiked with every movement. It made it so hard to breathe. So hard to focus.

Tech. Breathe. Focus on Tech. Breathe. Where was Tech.

He lay several feet in front of you, face down on the ground, unmoving.

No. Please no.

You could feel the panic rising up again.

"Sir, we found the clone and the Jedi!" A modulated voice barked.

A pair of hands roughly flipped you over so that you lay on your back, blinking at the blinding sun.

"Leave him alone!" You growled, attempting to lunge at him, ignoring how your body stiffly protested the movement in flaming agony. There was only so much you could do to will your body into moving. All you could do was lift your head. Even that left your vision spinning. A white armored TK trooper leaned over you with a chuckle, slapping a pair of binders snugly around your wrists.

"Why? Your clone friend's already dead anyway."

No. Tech. He couldn't be dead. He couldn't. Not when you'd come all this way.

You dragged your gaze over to the pilot where he lay motionless, tears filling your eyes. It hit you then, the sudden tidal wave of heavy-laden grief. Nothing seemed to matter anymore - not your fate, not your friends. Nothing. Unbidden tears spilled from the corners of you eyes and you did nothing to stop them. You couldn't even if you wanted to. It was the only thing you were capable of. The world spun around you but it was all consumed under a blanket of unforgivably heavy numbness. Whatever your fate would be it didn't matter anymore.

Tech had been your fate. Now he was gone.

Fly high my friend.

You barely felt the crack of a blaster rifle against your skull, driving into dreamless unconsciousness.

***

The TK Trooper watched the Jedi's eyes rolled back into her head as the fight left her twitching muscles. Blood soaked her jacket and pants, and her shoulder hung loosely from it's socket. He placed her lightsaber on his belt and looked up as the senior science officer strode up the hill.

"Sir!" He stood at attention. "Should we bag them both?"

"No," the doctor said calmly. "That one's as good as dead. He won't be of any use to me."

He cleared his throat, narrowing his eyes as though thinking something through. "On second thought, take the clone to my lab. Make sure he stays alive. I may have use for him yet."

"And the Jedi?" the trooper questioned.

"Detain the Jedi. Lord Vader will find her very useful once they've broken her will."

--------------------------------------------------

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[jeannereames]

If you could change or insert one aspect of the common pop culture picture most people have in their heads when they think about ATG what would it be?

I'm going to jump this in the queue because I can answer it swiftly, but also because I have TWO things that are personal pet peeves.

FIRST: That "historians" keep insisting Alexander and Hephaistion were "just good friends" in the face of obvious evidence to the contrary.

SECOND: Alexander called Hephaistion his Patroklos (to his own Achilles), and they used this comparison frequently throughout their lives.

So, let’s take on the “Fake News,” shall we?

The notion that "historians" keep insisting Alexander and Hephaistion were "just good friends" in the face of what would seem clear evidence to the contrary is over 50 fucking years out of date.

Are there “historians” out there who say that? Sure. But they tend to come in two flavors: 1) people who aren’t specialists, Hellenists, or even historians,⸸ or 2) Greeks.* Since Badian, Green, Hamilton, and Schachermeyer (et al.) took over Macedonian/Alexander studies mid-century, few specialists claimed Alexander and Hephaistion couldn’t have been lovers, or Alexander couldn’t have been attracted to men. Even Hammond cagily acknowledged it.

Yet—TBH—I don't think those who repost that meme really care. They just want a convenient strawman/whipping horse to make them sound "smarter than the experts."

You don't. You sound as if you haven't read much about Alexander since about 1975. Historians who have died of old age by now said Alexander and Hephaistion were probably lovers.

But that raises another problem: the implication that anybody who might argue they aren't lovers must be an old, white homophobic dude. Again, this is wrong.

The current discussion centers more on source problems, and separates Alexander having male lovers from Alexander and Hephaistion being lovers themselves (not the same thing, actually). Those making the best argument for caution are young, very much not homophobic (but absolutely brilliant) women (e.g., Sabine Müller). Follow the link to see a picture of Sabine, if you don’t believe me. I don't agree with her, but you can't shoot down her argument by screaming "Homophobe!" at the top of your lungs. The points she raises are all good ones and any responsible (and smart) historian will take them seriously.

As for the Alexander-Achilles/Hephaistion-Patroklos pastiche… yeah, sorry, no.

I realize this torques off folks, as it’s become a mainstay of queer culture surrounding Alexander as a gay icon and owes more than a little to Miller’s The Song of Achilles.

Busting it probably makes me sound like a Grinch.

BUT…the facts just don't support it. Yes, Alexander compared himself to Achilles--but not as much as to Herakles and Dionysos. Not even close.

How do I know? I COUNTED THEM. Facts ... not impressions.

After all, looking closely at what the sources (not impressions) actually say about Hephaistion is how I came to the conclusion the man was a lot more important than heretofore recognized. 😉

Again, as I’ve said elsewhere, Alexander did compare himself to Achilles. That’s not in dispute … it just wasn’t as frequent or common as modern fans like to pretend. And Hephaistion was compared to Patroklos only twice. There’s also a problem with WHO made those comparisons: chiefly Arrian. Again, I’ve talked about this elsewhere, so won’t go over it again.

Yes, I made the comparison myself in Dancing with the Lion: Becoming. But it concerned one circumstance near that book’s end (not giving spoilers), and isn’t something they harped on otherwise. That mirrors how it appears in our sources: it’s limited, and situational.

“Patroklos” was not Hephaistion’s nickname. Wish folks would stop claiming it was.

—————

⸸ Just because somebody is tagged “historian” on a History Channel special—or his own private blog—doesn’t mean they actually have a PhD, or even a Master’s, much less one in ancient history, Classics, Classical archaeology, or ancient art history. The number of idiots on Tik-tok yapping about how Alexander thought this or did that—and clearly know jack shit—routinely stuns me…even while it doesn’t. Dunning-Kruger Effect all over the damn place.

* Greeks must often work within the confines of official narratives in order to secure jobs and funding, which can limit what they say on certain topics, from who’s buried in “Philip’s Tomb,” to the Greekness of the ancient Macedonians, to any possible homosexual “taint” staining Alexander’s greatness. This may swim against the current of academic discourse outside Greece, even by other Greeks. The Greek Ministry of Culture and Sport has softened on some of these topics in recent years, especially as LGBTQIA rights have gained better traction in Greece.

[chameleonspell]

HTDC commentary - 4: falling

[Looking back at HTDC after nearly ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]

chapter text: 4: falling

These early chapters tend to be short and jump forward in time lot, because I was just skipping to the next turning point, and Iriel isn't spending enough time with other people for there to be much interesting going on between. Especially now, because he's gonna be unconscious for a lot of it.

Much later, certain people would gravely refer to this period of Iriel’s life as one during which he “lost himself”

I had no idea who was supposed to have told Iriel this, later, and I still can't think who would be a plausible candidate. I said this purely for rhetorical effect. I feel like this makes me an unreliable narrator of my own story, though I'm not sure that's technically possible.

His conscious mind, cast adrift on an overwhelming ocean of sensation, became reduced to scattered thoughts and isolated impressions.

Seems like Ire was tripping on nature, before he was even tripping on sugar. I probably should have been less dreamily effusive, here, and saved it for the on-drugs bit, but I just really love the Bitter Cost! You don't need drugs to appreciate the Swamp! Despite the apparent similarities of the Pit being Iriel's shame and depression, Iriel being in the swamp was never at all the same metaphor, though it took until chapter 153 for me to really explicate this properly. Being in the swamp is mostly positive, if soggy. The swamp is comforting and accepting. The swamp doesn't judge.

The spongey texture of the luminous mushrooms he collected obsessively, and the ssschlucking sound they made when he yanked them out of the damp soil to lay them out in order of size and colour on the moss.

I got really into mushrooms (as organism, not drug!) after I wrote Iriel an obsession with them. Be very careful what interests you give fictional characters, because if you identify with them too hard, it's very easy to catch it off them.

All Ire knew was that he had found two small cloth bags of crystalline white powder underneath a crate on a small jetty, and that when he put a finger in and licked it, everything got better.

The story started with a concept and a shape, but no detail - that mostly came out of gameplay, at the start. The moon sugar was a happy accident, finding the bags in a random smuggler loot sack, and realising...  why wouldn't he?

Moon sugar is described as a numbing and euphoria-inducing drug, similar to an opiate. It's also the soft option, compared to its more refined form, skooma, so Iriel's still in the narcotics kiddie-pool, really. That said, we also know these drugs affect TES races differently, with men and mer being affected far more strongly than Khajiit. And we know that Altmer specifically are more sensitive to magic (for better and worse) than other races. Thus, Iriel is having quite an extreme reaction.

he found himself falling: into the glowing colours, into the soft, yielding swamp, and not caring, because when he spat mud and rolled over onto his back, he found himself falling into the sky.

The whole "sad elves falling in swamps" thing is, I admit, a private joke. Because someone once (somehow, unaccountably) found my website by googling for the string "sexy women falling in swamps", and when I saw it in the search referrals, I laughed about it for days.

The night skies of Morrowind are stunningly beautiful, viewed sober. Moon sugar rendered them a religious experience.

Morrowind skies being best skies is just facts. @valtheimm illustrated this scene beautifully:

If I say that he spent long hours lying in the mud, staring at the fractal patterns at the end of fern fronds, I’m sure you can fill in the rest for yourselves. Let’s skip to the end.

I guess I wasn't too consistent with the first person narration, but the narrator was there from the start! It just fell into the background, when other things were happening, or the scene didn't want that sort of external comment, only to re-emerge later, and make people question me about where it came from.

Who is the narrator? Me, just me, the author. Nothing complicated. I was used to books where that kind of thing is common, as a random interjection. I was reading a George Eliot book at the time, and she's always interrupting the action to discuss her characters in first person. It creates a sense of ironic distance, so you don't want to have it all the time, usually you want to be right there in the characters emotions. Other times, you want to add that distance, and deliberately get out of the character's head.

Here, we are watching Iriel flopping about the swamp from a distance, because he's out of his mind, so we are, too. We can go back closer when he returns to himself, try and feel the shock of that with him as much as we can.

Where he came from, the gods were not thought to actively involve themselves in the lives of their worshippers. This was part of what made them so admirable.

TES sets up a whole lot of metaphysical binaries, but the key one is Anu and Padomay, which for our purposes means stasis and change. This comes in a lot more later, but that bog body metaphor is already looking a bit prescient, innit? Here, we can just note that Iriel's home gods are the Aedra, which are Anuic, and therefore both unchanging and incapable of intervening or causing change themselves. Iriel thinks that in Morrowind, where other gods apply, things might be different.

Lying back down and dying was tempting, but Ire hadn’t survived this long by letting that part of his brain have its way.

Iriel is physically unimposing, cries easily and doesn't exactly tick many boxes on the socially-mandated "ideal masculinity" chart. He's scared of everything, because many things have hurt him, and life hasn't equipped him with many tools to defend himself. Does that make him "a weak person", as he himself believes? Or is he strong, for surviving, despite the odds stacked against him, for persisting regardless? What does it mean to be weak or strong, and is weakness even a bad thing? Questions I kept on coming back to, throughout the story.

Iriel is far from morally perfect, and sometimes does selfish things, especially while he's addicted to drugs. There wouldn't be much of a story, if he didn't make a total mess of his life, and have to try and clean it up. But he is strong, in lots of ways, and he will manage to be a hero, in lots of ways. Making him "an effeminate gay stereotype" was very deliberate. Because sure, that's a stereotype, but not for the hero. It's for villains and cheap-laugh side characters, where it gets laced with a lot of other homophobic tropes. Queer heroes, where they exist, tend to be indistinguishable from straight characters, beyond their sexuality - and that's nothing like the real people I know, it's nothing like me or my friends! Femme gay men exist, and are wonderful and diverse and incredibly powerful, actually.

Real-life queer people can't be stereotypes by definition, instead they have to constantly live with how their personal expression is interpreted and policed and refracted into cheap stereotypes by the dominant culture, stereotypes which are then used against them. I wanted to write a character going through that experience, that negotation of an imposed stereotype that has some truth to it, albeit in ways that the people using it against you don't understand. To be up-front about this: I'm queer, but I'm not a gay man, so I was always aware of the danger that I might misjudge something, and screw up. I tried to keep Iriel's specifically gay aspects as grounded as I could in non-fictional people I knew, or had read things by. In the case of real-life friends, I pray I changed enough details on any embarrassing anecdotes I stole that they can't recognise themselves here, and get mad at me.

Iriel set out in search of structure.

The moon sugar was extremely useful, narratively speaking. See, the wonderful thing about an addiction to hard drugs -- this sounds like I'm being facetious, but I've heard heroin addicts say exactly this -- is that it gives you something to do, when your life has no meaning. It forces action. You can't just lie face-down in the swamp forever. You have to go out, and get money, and get drugs. Which forces you, especially if the money part is challenging, into situations.

Playlist pick: Sparklehorse - Spirit Ditch. This is a song to lie in a swamp and get high to. By Mark Linkous, another junkie. Died by suicide in 2010. You always hope when someone writes songs that sad, that it means they have some kind of… answer. A different one, I mean.

next: 5: slide & 6: trap previous: 3: breathe

[xf-cases-solved]

S1E24: The Erlenmeyer Flask

Case: Our very first season finale! We made it! And as far as X-Files finale episodes go, this one is moderately comprehensible. Mostly. It all starts when Deep Throat recruits Mulder (and by extension, Scully) to investigate the disappearance/presumed death of a guy named uh—gimme a sec—William Secare (I forget names more than I forget locations, and y'all know how often I forget locations). You will remember Secare from the cold open, when he was chased down by some cops and then shot as he jumped into the water, and also his blood is green (think Vulcan, but more acidic). Deep Throat insists that getting to the bottom of the Secare case will get them closer than ever to the Truth. 

Spoiler alert: They do not learn the Truth by the end of this episode.

They do, however, meet a grumpy scientist with a room full of monkeys, who then gets murdered and leaves behind an Erlenmeyer flask labeled "purity control" that might be relevant to the title of the episode. Between bacteria that shouldn't exist, and our first (but not last) encounter with naked guys in tanks, things start to get pretty chaotic. To top it off, Mulder gets his first hit of alien blood burny face disease of the series, and then gets taken captive. Scully and Deep Throat have to work together to save him before it's too late. This goes... not great for Deep Throat in the end. 

Mulder finds extremely damning evidence, only for it to disappear like five minutes later like usual; Scully comes face-to-face with an alien fetus as well as exterrestrial bacteria and yet somehow there are still like 6ish/7ish more seasons to go before she even considers hopping onto the alien belief train; I have that problem I have in every X-Files conspiracy ep, which is that I can't tell middle aged white men apart, nor can I remember names, so I have no idea who is doing what for the majority of the episode (wait until we get to episodes with clones and shape-shifting bounty hunters, man, it's fucking torture); Deep Throat imparts some very important wisdom; and, oh yeah, the X-Files gets shut down.

It's a season finale for the history books, y'all! But I hope you're ready for shit to really get real, bc now it's time for... season 2! ( 🛸🛸🛸🤫)

Does someone die in the cold open: I dunno, does he die? Sure looks like he should have died, what with that gun wound and everything. There's no way he couldn't have died, right? (No, he didn't die.)(At least not in the cold open, I mean.)

Does Mulder present a slideshow: Nope, no finale slideshow :(

Does the evidence survive the investigation: Lol, good one

Whodunit: -vague gesturing at middle aged white guys who work for the shadow government probably-

Convictions: You're cute

Did they solve it: No, but I'll give them experience points, because I'm a kind and benevolent stat collector. They did lose Deep Throat from their inventory tho, whomp whomp. 

[how do i determine if a case is solved? check the scale here: x]

THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: It not being monkey pee. You're lucky it's not, otherwise you'd be on your own.

***

General Total Stats:

(green means stat has changed since last ep; red means new stat added to list)

Total Cases *Definitively* Solved So Far: 12 (streak ended, and you got the x-files closed down, good job guys!)

Total Number of "Mulder/Scully, It's Me": 3 (FINALLY this stat goes up, also i changed it so it doesn't just pertain to phone calls, it's just whenever one of them says it)

Total Number of Times Scully Has Conveniently Not Seen Something Crucial: 5

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Been in Mortal Danger: 8

Total Number of Times Scully Has Been in Mortal Danger: 8

Total Number of Sexually Charged, Uncomfortably Intimate, and/or Flirty Moments Between Friendly Coworkers: 11

Total Number of Autopsies Scully Has Performed On Screen: 3 

Total Number of Times Scully Plays Doctor: 2

Total Number of Times Mulder Talks to an Informant: 13 (plus Scully and Deep Throat hang out some too) 

Total Number of Times People Making Out in a Car Are Hurt or Killed: 2

Total Number of Times Someone Correctly Guesses a Password: 2 (usually it's mulder, but scully got to do it this time)

Total Number of Nosebleeds: 4

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Tasted/Sniffed/Touched Something Questionable Without Following Proper Safety Procedures: 2 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "Trust No One": 2 (arguably the most notable "trust no one" of the series) 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "I Want to Believe": 3

Total Number of Times Someone Says "The Truth is Out There": 2

Total Number of Cigarettes Cigarette Smoking Man Has Smoked: 6 (apparently the one place he won't smoke is that storage room in the pentagon) 

Total Number of Maggie Scully Sightings: 1

Total Number of Lone Gunmen Sightings: 1

Total Number of Alex Krycek Sightings: 0 :(

Total Number of Times I Had to Look Up What State the Episode Takes Place in Even Though I Literally Just Watched It: 9½ (i upped the stat bc i did look, but i'm mad bc it was just one of those dc/maryland/adjacent areas episodes so i should have known better)

Total Number of Times I Had to Look at an Episode's Wikipedia Page to Fill This Out Because It Was Fucking Confusing and/or Too Boring for Me to Pay Attention: 5 (i followed this one fairly okay sort of)

[rubberduckyrye]

I'll keep that all in mind, thanks!

Unfortunately when I say I have to reference it for plot reasons that was genuine, the thing that requires it is so small yet so narratively important that I can't just completely cut it out. Nor can I consult you cause the context is literally the biggest spoiler of this entire story. (I know that explanation sounds bad without context but please trust me it's not nearly as bad as it sounds ;-;)

Luckily I've already thought up some alternatives to put it in the far background. I'll definitely rework it alot though. Thanks for the advice! :D

I mean... Again, since you're remaking Angie's background story, I really recommend thinking long and hard about the inclusion of any blood ritual in her culture, and if it's actually so important to the plot that you can't come up with something else, like the newly weds gifting each other their most precious items instead. Something so important that it attaches to their very soul. Something like that. Or, you can look up native Hawaiian traditions regarding the union of two people. That sort of thing.

You are in total control of your story. You aren't trapped by the narrative or are helpless to it. You are the author, making the decisions. You essentially a god of your own story, and you can do with it whatever you please. This single detail of a blood ritual--it's probably not as important to your story as you think it is. It can, and should, be reworked and erased for this context. You should always rework a problematic aspect of your story, no matter how integral you think it is to the plot.

For example: When I first made my OC, Jaden, I gave him the wrong hair texture for a black character. I gave him 3A-3B curls, because I was mistaken and believed that any race could have any hair texture and that hair texture wasn't necessarily a "race" thing (for context, I grew up with a very White cousin who had coily/Afro hair (and no it wasn't a perm, her hair was just really curly and coily despite being white as hell), and often saw black girls with straightened hair in school with most black boys and men shaving their heads. I've since learned from this, but it happens.)

I was later corrected by my partner, Celest, and I immediately jumped to defend the hairstyle design I chose. I had convinced myself it was important to his character to have these kinds of curls, even to the point where when I "gave in" and gave him the right texture, I insisted he straightened it and styled it the same.

However, I knew I was kidding myself and that the hair style wasn't really a "queer effeminate black man curling his hair" thing. It was me being attached to a natural hair style that was just not for a black character like him.

So, I finally changed it. And you know what happened?

Nothing.

The hair style for Jaden was FAR more inconsequential than I had ever imagined it to be. Literally did nothing to the story to change up his hair from curls to twists. From there, I've messed around with other Afro hair styles for him (like rag curls and giving him an Afro puff when he's older), and it helped me grow as an artist, a writer, and a character designer to overcome that initial stage of "Oh no, this problematic aspect of my story/character design is too important to edit out, it needs to stay!"

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but it is something that you REALLY need to think long and hard about. I'm assuming by your last paragraph that you might have something else in mind, but I thought that this really needs to be said as well.

[iviarellereads]

The Eye of the World, Chapter 35 - Caemlyn

(THIS PROJECT IS SPOILER FREE! No spoilers past the chapter you click on. Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Wheel of Time, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(White Lion of Andor icon)(1) In which I get to explain another meme.

Rand thought he knew what a great city would look like, after Shadar Logoth, but it's even better than he imagined. Whitebridge could fit here twenty times with room to spare, and the city wall is fifty feet high, everything is majestic and beautiful. And there are so many PEOPLE! Mat wonders how they can hide with so many people around. Rand points out that there are so many people to look through, they must be safe, as long as Mat can watch his fool mouth.

Bunt advises that if Rand's holding the sword Holdwin told him about, he should hide it, stop wearing it, sell it, anything to not be seen with it. It'll draw more attention than he wants. Then he takes off and Rand loses sight of him in the crowd.(2)

Rand tries to focus, to figure out where to go next, now that they're in Caemlyn. He can't quite grasp the flame and void, but he tells himself aloud that their friends are alive. He remembers that Thom told them to find an inn called the Queen's Blessing, they should go there first. Mat gets paranoid again, more than ever, with all the people around, and Rand has to give him a pep talk about they won't give in now, or it was all for nothing. They aren't caught yet. Mat apologizes and they go find directions to the inn.

One man they ask, with a white armband and a white cockade on his hat, says they've come too late. Confused, they keep looking. Along the way, there are many shops offering relics, scraps of the False Dragon's cloak and fragments of his sword, as if they could all be real.

Rand knows someone will notice that he's hiding something with his cloak on one side, but he can't stop wearing his sword, his one link to Tam. He sees that many men are wearing swords, some bound with white and some with red, in such a way as nobody would be able to see heron-marks. Rand notes that red wrapping cloth is cheaper than white, though he sees no difference in quality, so he buys the red and wraps his sword in an alley so he can stop looking quite so suspicious.(3) Besides, adopting a local fashion will make them stand out a little less. Mat's just paranoid that they got cheated on the price anyway, and they'll get beat up and robbed and… Rand basically ignores him.

Eventually, they really do find the Queen's Blessing, and introduce themselves to Basil Gill, the innkeeper,(4) as friends of Thom's. His smile slips a bit, and he pulls them aside.

Gill asks what's in the flute case, and Rand opens it. Thom would part with his arm as soon as that flute, so what's happened? Rand says he's dead, protecting them. Gill says he'll believe Thom's dead when he sees a corpse, and not before.(5) He's harder to kill than you'd think, old Thom Merrilin. He believes they saw what they say, but he doesn't think Thom's seen his end yet.

“Coming to Caemlyn, you say?” The innkeeper shook his head. “This is the last place on earth I’d expect Thom to come, excepting maybe it was Tar Valon.” He waited for a stableman to pass, leading a horse, and even then he lowered his voice. “You’ve trouble with the Aes Sedai, I take it.” “Yes,” Mat grumbled at the same time that Rand said, “What makes you think that?” Master Gill chuckled dryly. “I know the man, that’s what. He’d jump into that kind of trouble, especially to help a couple of lads about the age of you. . . .” The reminiscence in his eyes flickered out, and he stood up straight with a chary look. “Now . . . ah . . . I’m not making any accusations, mind, but . . . ah . . . I take it neither of you can . . . ah . . . what I’m getting at is . . . ah . . . what exactly is the nature of your trouble with Tar Valon, if you don’t mind my asking?” Rand’s skin prickled as he realized what the man was suggesting. The One Power. “No, no, nothing like that. I swear. There was even an Aes Sedai helping us. Moiraine was. . . .” He bit his tongue, but the innkeeper’s expression never changed.

Gill is relieved, he means no offence, but better to be in with Aes Sedai than… the other thing.(6) He can offer them beds, not good ones, and a bit to eat. Thom's a good friend, he can help a friend of Thom's. Just don't go talking about working with Aes Sedai too loudly, and they probably shouldn't mention Thom, either. Some of the Guards have long memories, and so does the Queen.

Thom had trouble with the Queen? Rand is incredulous. Well, it's no secret, says Gill. Thom was the Courtbard at Caemlyn, and known in every royal court on the continent. Not long after Taringail Damodred died, the trouble with Thom's nephew arose. Thom was having an affair with Morgase,(7) a young widow, and Thom in his prime. But when he learned about his nephew, he took off without a word, and the Queen didn't like that, or him meddling in Aes Sedai affairs. When he came back, they had words, some words you don't say to anyone much less a queen. When Thom left Caemlyn last, he was a hair's breadth from prison, if not the headsman's axe.

“If it was a long time ago,” Rand said, “maybe nobody remembers.” Master Gill shook his head. “Gareth Bryne is Captain-General of the Queen’s Guards. He personally commanded the Guardsmen Morgase sent to bring Thom back in chains, and I misdoubt he’ll ever forget returning empty-handed to find Thom had already been back to the Palace and left again. And the Queen never forgets anything. You ever know a woman who did? My, but Morgase was in a taking. I’ll swear the whole city walked soft and whispered for a month. Plenty of other Guardsmen old enough to remember, too. No, best you keep Thom as close a secret as you keep that Aes Sedai of yours. Come, I’ll get you something to eat. You look as if your bellies are gnawing at your backbones.”

=====

(1) The symbol of the royal family of Andor, and thus presumably a sort of symbol banner for the capital city. (2) Bunt knows Holdwin's not to be trusted from his regular encounters with the man, it seems. He knows who to believe: his own judgement, which seems mighty fine to me. (3) Now, why would one wrap be cheaper than the other? (4) I seriously trimmed down the gawping Rand does at all the people, fights that break out that he's witness to, etc etc. There are NINE PAGES in my paperback before they enter the inn. Also, I had trouble phrasing it for the summary so I left it out, but Rand makes reference to Gill's being fat as a relief: the only bad experience he ever had was with a skinny innkeeper. So, now it's a meme throughout the fandom that you never trust a skinny innkeeper. (Along the same lines, I suppose, as a saying I grew up with: "never trust a skinny cook" because presumably they don't cook well enough to keep themselves fed.) (5) And Gill teaches us one of the most important lessons in fiction in general, but particularly in this series: never believe someone's dead until you see a body and you're P O S I T I V E that it's actually theirs and not some elaborate illusion or prank. I've really taken that one to heart in recent years. (6) I find it somewhat understandable that, given the rules of this world, Gill doesn't really want a male channeler possibly on the edge of madness and Breaking (like the world was Broken 3000 years ago) in his inn. Like, he wants to help friends of Thom's, but that's a fair line to draw, given the destructive power we've seen a man hold. Lews Therin did literally create a miles-high mountain from a flat plain in the opening. (7) And then some intrigue with Thom! He was definitely having an affair with Morgase at one point, it's not entirely clear if it started before or after her husband died, or when Thom arrived on the scene at all. [waggles eyebrows] Also, interesting that he was "in his prime" at the time, and I have to wonder what that means exactly with regard to age. Thom's age is one of the biggest mysteries in the series. Because of his white hair and the description of him as "grizzled" in his intro, a lot of people assume he's in his 60s or 70s and just still nimble for his age. There are clues that lend toward that sort of range, if you pay close attention. But, I tend to headcanon him much younger, and I was ever so glad the show agreed with me in their casting.

[harlowgifs]

“How’s your knee?” 

“Why? You wanna do some freaky shit, cause I can be talked into some stuff.”

White Men Can’t Jump (2023) dir. Calmatic 

[torc87]

OFMD season 2 Episode 8 critique

SPOILERS

Ok, so you know what else makes Izzy's death so frustrating to me? Others have spoken on narrative inconsistencies, the message it sends to disabled queers, the bad character arc, the wife fridging, etc.

But it annoys me from another side too. He died bc Stede's plan SUCKED.

Like, they had two, two master strategists. Ed and Zheng. They had Auntie and Izzy w their meticulousness. They even had the crew point out it was a bad plan. And they STILL did it?

Why?

Bc Stede was charming?

Ed had Shown us that in an emergency, he's in charge. He gainsays Stede's incompetent plans. He ordered the crew to raise the white flag in season one finale bc Stede's plan was suicide.

He immediately jumped to defend Stede when Low attacked.

If Stede is in danger, Ed defends him. He does not indulge him in letting him captain if his plan sucks.

Just as Stede does for Ed!

He stopped him from trying to one man murder the French party, he told him fishing was a bad idea.

These two have history of telling the other "Stand down, let me handle this"

So where was Blackbeard, master strategists? Or even Edward Teach, brilliant master of Fuckeries?

He Knows Stede is feeling overconfident.

And Zheng has No such compunctions. She thinks Stede is an idiot. She was there for his overconfident 'i can fight you' planking.

She plans things, is clever and strategic.

Was she out to lunch?

She let the crew, including her injured first mate, follow a plan that even the crew said was suicidal.

Why?

It makes no sense that Izzy, who cares for the crew, knows Fuckeries, is meticulous, tells Stede the truth, didn't say " hey, this is a bad plan. Let's let Ed and Zheng suggest something first, call this a last resort".

He saw that Stede, for all his Ned Low new competence, is overconfident and likely to end up planked.

Why?

So let me tell you now, exactly why I think it was a horrible, thoughtless plan , mirroring Stede's season one reclaiming the hostages plan.

Bc it was exactly the same thing.

Distract the British/Izzy w a head on attack, while more crew ambushes them.

And here is why it was foolish.

First off, Stede says "we have a hostage".

But he doesn't actually use Ricky like a hostage?

A hostage is someone you ransom for something you want. Stede made zero effort to do that.

He didn't let the British know "we have your prince, let us go or else he dies".

He didn't walk up to them w a knife at Ricky's throat and say "we walk onto the ship or else".

That is how you use a hostage.

If he wanted to try to trick the British into thinking they had orders to go away? Ricky could have written them and sealed them w his ring.

Bad idea too by the way. Ricky is an enemy. A clever enemy. He will try to give a sign to his men. If he writes the letter? It may have code or just be suspicious enough to put the British on guard. Same as w trying to force him to order the British back. He can, will, and did, try to signal the British. You can't stop him or know if he is being suspicious or even if he's a bad actor non deliberately and the Brits are suspicious anyway. It is foolish to hinge a plan on his cooperation.

Bringing him to the ambush is extremely dumb.

You aren't using him as a hostage - the British don't realize he is one bc you want to trick them into leaving, so they must think he's free. But he will try to double cross you, so bringing him to a straight ambush is foolish - it risks him giving it away. And gains nothing!

It was literally three seconds of the British being confused.

They could have accomplished that by running up to the British, in uniform, covered in blood, screaming in a panic about "they killed him, Blackbeard appeared, he shot them all" or something else suitably confusing and panic inducing. Same three to four seconds of confusion plus you get close to your enemy - easier to kill them before they can react. And yes, your other pirates can ambush at the same time or even first so the Brits don't know what side you are on.

Ricky? Isn't needed for that.

No reason to bring him and risk him giving away the plan, or even giving orders mid combat.

Makes more sense to cut out his tongue/fingers so he can't give orders and send him stumbling towards the Brits afterwards - adds to confusion, adds to fearsomeness, and gives the Brits something to do besides chase your ship down w their armada.

They could have gone the hostage route.

Sent an message to the British - a boat for Ricky. Played straight ....which the Brits would def have ambushed.

But you could also do a Fuckery.

Don't tell the Brits you want a boat so they don't know to guard them.

Ask the Brits for a pardon and gold and agree to meet somewhere and a. Ambush Them. Or b. Use the expectation that they will ambush you to gather them all in a difficult to ambush spot ( pirates know the island better!) While not actually being there and being by the now unguarded boats. C. Ambush the Brits when they scout out the negotiation location, small group by small group. D. Set up explosives where the Brits will be setting up their ambush and be by the boats yourselves to sail away. The explosion will attract more soldiers so the boats will be less guarded bc they don't know you are after a boat.

There is so much Room for Fuckery in there. And it would make a better plan.

Surely Ed and Zheng could come up w a better plan than 'distract the Brits w uniforms and then ambush them flat out'.

The fact that they didn't ...

That Izzy died for a stupid no plan that the whole crew said was suicide ...

It's really really frustrating.

He shouldn't have died bc that plan should have never happened.

[kudosmyhero]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (vol. 1) #5: Teaming Up with Fugitoid

Read Date: February 23, 2023 Cover Date: October 1985 ● Writer: Kevin Eastman ◦ Peter Laird ● Pencils: Kevin Eastman ◦ Peter Laird ● Inks: Kevin Eastman ◦ Peter Laird ● Letterer: Kevin Eastman ●

**HERE BE SPOILERS: Skip ahead to the fan art/podcast to avoid spoilers

Reactions As I Read: ● doesn't appear to be shading in this issue. just pure black ink over white background. it works, though ● I didn't know Honeycutt/Fugitoid's story started way back with the first few Mirage issues

● the triceratop-headed soldiers are kinda cool looking ● a little announcement in the middle of the comic. it's cute seeing the creators so excited about announcing the toys and animated series. I don't blame them for being excited--Turtlemania hit fast and hard! ● 👏👏

Synopsis: The Turtles are teleported by the Utroms' Transmat device to the alien city of Peblak. As soon as they arrive, the Turtles are confronted by armed soldiers (who are here to capture the Fugitoid). Since the Turtles don't notice the robot standing behind them, they decide to defend themselves and attack the gunmen. As the battle erupts, the Fugitoid punches a hole through a wall and invites the turtles join him as they flee from the ever-growing number of soldiers. The group makes it to a rooftop with the military in hot pursuit—their only chance for escape is to jump from the top of the structure into a garbage truck far below. The Fugitoid is afraid of heights, but the turtles take him with them as they make the leap.

After a short ride where the turtles are shocked by the sights of the alien planet, the team makes it to cover and the Fugitoid explains to them where they are and who he is. The turtles agree to an alliance with the robot as they're "all in the same boat," being pursued by the authorities. The group decides to head for a spaceport near the sea. Leonardo laments that they've finally found a world where they can walk out in the open without fear of people being frightened by their appearance, but they can't do so because the military is hunting them.

Meanwhile, both General Blanque and the Triceratons plot to capture the Fugitoid.

Our protagonists head into a bar to try to find some information and assistance, but are spotted by the soldiers. A bar brawl breaks out and then the Triceratons show up in force and capture the Fugitoid. The Turtles steal an air car and go after the Triceratons who are taking the robot back to their base. Sadly the team is spotted by a squad of Triceratons and an air battle ensues. The Turtles' car is hit and they're forced to bail out from a great height. Fortunately, a thick canopy of trees breaks their fall and no one is seriously injured. When the lads fully recover, they find that General Blanque's men are in an all out war with the Triceraton troops. Through the chaos, Leo spots a Triceraton carrying the Fugitoid into a structure. The turtles scramble to help their newfound friend.

Unfortunately the structure turns out to be a ship, and it blasts off into outer space. The Triceratons try to sweet talk the Fugitoid into creating the Transmat for them as the ship approaches the gigantic Triceraton base. Meanwhile, the Turtles are trapped in a cargo bay of the craft and discover that it doesn't contain gravity… or oxygen!

(https://turtlepedia.fandom.com/wiki/Teaming_Up_with_Fugitoid)

Fan Art: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle by kevintolibao

Accompanying Podcast: ● Shellheads - episode 07

[hellcatinnc]

Yukar From The Abyss Game Review

Will Include Spoilers

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Moshirechik/Imeru

This man is such a pleasant surprise like I didn't seeing my love for him being so strong. He is rough around the edges but he has such a sad story. He was a god who fell in love with a human woman who had him kill alot of people to supposedly save her town to find out she used him to do her destruction so they could take over other towns. They cut off his god wings and trapped him in a castle and left him there because he was the bad guy yet its not so black and white. This man once you get his guards down and he admits to wanting you and never hurting you again he is forever yours. If you save him and go up against the world for him to end up dying to protect him don't worry because he comes to the abyss beside you so that you can be together forever even if it is in death. I wanted to play all endings so I went back and had to kill him and that hurt me he reached out dying by my blade and gave me a gift he had been making for me but never finished. That broke me!

On a brighter note the best ending was when they escaped together and went back to his home. He learned from his mother that he had loved the mc all along but just didn't know what it was per say. He vows he will be with her forever even in death and he protects her when someone tries to hurt her again. He is constantly right there for her and loves her so much. I can't even tell you that not one other love interests hits my heart like him. For a demon king who ended up being the sweetest god and the most loving. He made me smile, he hurt my heart with his back story, and made me cry when I thought he was going to die. This game is the best because he is in it! My belongs to this man he is one of the best love interests I have loved in awhile. By the way this man has the sexiest voice I could go to sleep listening to him talk.

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Pewrep

I went into his route wanting to romance him soon as I first saw him. Granted I had to wait a few months but when I jumped into it I was happy. So I love he is so protective like a big teddy bear he is. There is nothing he will not do to protect her sometimes even being more than just possessive. So one route he becomes more controlling than I thought possible of him. Like he pins her down washing her from the scent of other men although kinda hot also as you see how he reacts there on out like she can't even step outside her home anymore because he doesn't want her coming in contact with another man. This rang bells in my head of a controlling bad marriage I once had. This is what made me not care for him.

However the good route you get to see a different side of him, one I really needed to redeem his good qualities. Although I never minded the possessiveness cause that is pretty hot in itself. I always hated it feeling like her life stopped and she couldn't do anything without his permission. On the good route though he is right there every step of the way being her equal partner. When she confesses she has loved him forever he admits he had been in love with her since the first time they met years ago. There connection was sweet and so bittersweet. They talked about a future together and he ended up getting accidently sent to the six fold hell after saving her from going there from where the ground collapsed underneath them. He spent the next 70 years or so trying to dig out to get back to her.

She went on living her life but going by the last words from his mouth to her and that was wait for me I will come back to you. She did just that to she never married or had kids only had the fantasies in her head about her and pewrep doing just that. She was 87 on her death bed in a nursing home when pewrep came to her. He apologized for being late but that he was ready to come take her with him. Everyone in life saw her as lonely with no one to love or be there on her death bed she saw it is her life was beginning with the man of her dreams and the sole owner to her soul and heart. Anyways he made her his wife and even though she was old and wrinkly looking he looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He became the genuine soul I hoped he would be and he even was a bit naughty once they got to his world telling her he couldn't wait to have kids and although wasn't sure if it could happen he wanted to get started on it right away.

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Kyril Sasayama

I honestly wasn't sure I was going to like this man but he fastly became my 3rd favorite of all the love interests. He honestly has such a sweet gentleman like nature that its not hard to fall in love with him. Even after you find out he is trying to kill you its not hard to still want to believe and trust in him that there is a bigger reason and not just hate because he is not a hateful person. As time goes on and if you don't give up on him you find that he always did it to save you from the person who wanted you dead and wanted to send you to the abyss and this was his way of protecting you, this is honestly his thing in every other route too because he always believes its saving you.

Then he spends time with you and falls in love with you and once you figure it all out he lets you in, he tells you everything. He promises to be your guardian and protect you because he is in love with you. He tries to protect you til his last breath and even going against someone who back stabbed you that causes his death at least he takes you with him. As you hold him in your arms he kills you so that ya'll die together and go on to be together in the after life happy and in love. It is such a beautiful story and the fact that you can tell his love is true and when he vows his protection he does this til he can no longer move. Even when he laid dying at one point bleeding out he still took all his strength to get you out of harms way. He really is a prince charming in fox clothing lol. His story pulled at my heart strings I really like his character it brought me to tears in his death.

I hate some of his story is almost political for a far back time frame so I scanned over it where I could without losing too much of the story but that part was probably the most boring of his route. Also I will say the only reason he is bumped to my 3rd place is because the happy ending ruined it all for me. Like its not really happy its not angst its just not so great like he tells you he loves you but it feels like a generic way not I'm in love with you kind of thing. He isn't actually in a relationship with you even though you live in his house you have separate rooms. You don't know if he is toying with your emotions so he can sleep with you and he becomes to cryptic. By the time your standing in front of him in the after story and you want to know what he means by love it ends leaving you with no answer in the end.

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Li Huaisu

I was mesmerized I remember the first time I saw him he was just so beautiful like really breath taking and those eyes see right through you. However I felt his story was hard for me to get through. So the bad ending was probably the better one to me because while she lied dying he was practically in so many words telling her he loved her. The neutral ending he gets punished as a crane forever and she chooses to join him. The good ending this is where its shitty so he has only loved one woman in his life his younger sister who is dead. That being said he says he can let the MC in yet all he seems to do is compare her to his sister and what they do to her.

When he isn't doing that he is telling her she can leave if she wants she don't need to stay with him he understands. Its like WTF like its good writing but him itself irritates me. Like you deal with his tsundere part of him yet never get the cuddly soft hearted lover you hoped for. He never even kisses her once besides on the head and when tells him she wants him to touch her one night he goes into this mess about him wanting her to stay pure which I feel like reverts back to his sister. Anyways I feel like as I write this he makes me even more mad I want to shake the hell out of him. Worst part is the MC knows he is replacing his sister with her and is ok with it because she feels like one day he will see her. I also didn't like that the artwork changed because this man was so damn beautiful yet I will never get CG that look as good.

[residentdormouse]

Fanfic Asks

A, D, F, J, T

I'll leave the fic up to you - talk to me about your favourite!

💖 Thank You for the Asks! 💖

I reordered a bit for spoiler purposes - hope you don’t mind.

A: How did you come up with the title to [insert fic]?

Something like a Spiral - Honestly, probably should have just went straight ‘Spiral’, but too late, no take backs, it stuck. Its a song - Spiral by Godsmack. Very thematic to the whole story. Randall Flagg’s fuckery and being stuck in these reiterations. It just… fit.

Just Keep Diving Down - ‘the rabbit hole’ would finish it off. Reference to Alice in Wonderland (Are we really surprised here? It's kind of my whole thing…) I mean hell, Glen has the line “Let’s see how far down the rabbit hole goes.” which I have plastered on my Tumblr header. To completely solidify the decision, I heard it in ‘White Rabbit’ by Central Egypt when I was debating titles as well. While the song doesn’t completely fit the whole vibe, it stuck.

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

Oh boy, and how. I’m crazy with my playlists. While there are story playlists, I much prefer my character playlists. Oh it’s a Glen chapter, let's vibe for a bit. Lloyd? Ok, switch it up. Etc. I have all of my playlists on Spotify, and linked in my ‘Jumping to Wonderland’ main post.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I really liked how this turned out, because it was one of those times where I hit a block. I wanted Glen to be comforting, stop her from crying, and it wasn’t flowing right. Felt stale. So I talked with @impuretale , and she gave me sage advice: What if he made it worse? And that worked. Well, at least I hoped it did…

Laughter mingled amongst her crying. While his smile met his eyes in that familiar twinkle, it still pulled at her heart. “I don’t know that I can protect you.”

"Maybe you can't, Giggles…"

It hit her like a punch to the gut. Her stomach dropped while his smile remained. Twinkling eyes while her insides felt hollowed out. "Maybe this is what was always meant to be. And maybe there's some truth in what he told you."

Her breathing started to quicken in pace, and she attempted to hold it in her lungs if only to feel some sort of control. How could he say that? New tears stung her eyes, and the burn went all the way to her throat where she held back the air desperately wanting to escape in a breath.

"Maybe you shouldn't ‘waste your energy on dead men’, as he put it. You need it for him. To make this all mean something."

She couldn't hold it any longer, and the tears broke past once more. He pulled her back in another embrace, and she buried her face into his chest as the sobs racked her body. He held her solid, reassuring and comforting while still completely shattering her heart. There was no holding back now; these were harsh truths she might have to accept. Her breathing began to even out as he rubbed circles on her back. Once it was regulated, he pulled away; just enough to look her in the eyes.

"Mother Abagail said that we need to have faith. I'm not sure what's beyond here. God. An afterlife. Heaven. Hell. I don't have much faith in all that. But I have faith in you. If this is going to be successful, you'll need to be ready for him."

He put a hand on her cheek, and her shoulders slumped down, head leaning forward to rest against his. A brief moment passed before he urged her to look back at him. Her eyes still shimmered wet, but held anything further at bay.

“So what do you say, Giggles? Give this another shot?”

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

I mean, if it's well written, I’ll read just about anything. I don’t tend to seek out stuff like A/B/O, and honestly, not into a whole lot of overly explicit smut without a good solid plot to accompany. (I know I know - I write it, but I’m smut light, at best.) Plot heavy and hurt/comfort is my jam. But again, if it's written well, I usually don’t have any ‘no go’s. 

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic].

Going with ‘Just Keep Diving Down’, and since this is major spoilers - putting below a cut.

The major character death aspect of this really fucking destroyed me. Since you’re here, you most likely don’t care about spoilers, so towards the end, Glen dies. Again. The thing I started writing these goddamn stories to fix. I struggled with this for months. In denial. Not happy. Very upset. (Hell, I still am. Can’t listen to ‘Run Away to Mars’ without crying anymore because it was the song playing when I was writing it all.)  I knew the goal was to bring him back, ghost form. Gives him the best of both worlds then, travel with Hayden to new worlds pain free, while still being able to see his prior wife. Win win. Still fucking hurt.

So alternate would have been Not. Fucking. Doing. That. It was the original plan. Hayden and Glen were going to be working for the organization still, taking things in a better direction. That was the goal, and one day, my Glen muse hit me with a ‘yeah, you won’t like this, but…’ Why couldn’t we just follow the plan guys? WHY CAN’T WE FOLLOW THE PLAN?!

(Fanfic Writer Ask Game)